Some friends of mine asked: how to get my 5 year old to listen and beave my 2 year old doesn’t talk? When should kids start talking or when should a baby start talking? What to do when your daughter won’t talk to you? How to talk so little kids will listen? Well, I will recommend a classic book called HOW TO TALK SO KIDS WILL LISTEN AND LISTEN SO KIDS WILL TALK.
HOW TO TALK SO KIDS WILL LISTEN AND LISTEN SO KIDS WILL TALK has been published for over three decades. It’s called Raising Bible by Boston Globe and thousands of bookshops. This book is an excellent communication tool based on a series of workshops developed by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Children talking skills are very important for each family. Faber and Mazlish provide a step-by-step approach to improving relationships in your family.
Even though this book has been published for a few decades, the children talking skills inside are still very useful and practical.
Acknowledge the Kid’s Feelings
Emotions are the Driving Factors of Many Behaviors
Sometimes, the kid’s behaviors seems unreasonable. This book points out that recognizing the emotions behind the kid’s behaviors is the first step of solving problems.
Denying the Kid’s Feeling will Make the Problems Worse
We hope that our kids can believe their feelings. So, don’t let them doubt about their feelings. Trying best to figure out why the children get angry is much more important than punishing them. The real aim that we communicate with the children is to enlighten and guide them, but not to punish them. Punishment will make the children more sad.
Below are the wrong ways to deny the kids’ emotions:
- Don’t cry.
- It’s only a turtle.
- Stop that. I’ll buy you another turtle.
- You’re being unreasonable.
Parents Can Do as Follow to Make Kids Listen
- Acknowledge the kid’s feeling with silence. Imagine that you complain to your friends that how hard you are going through. They response: a. blame; b. doubt; c. giving unnecessary advices; d. hypocritically comfort. How do you feel your friends treat you like this? So, please don’t treat your kid like that. You should listen to your kid carefully and silently.
- Acknowledge the kid’s feeling with a word. Don’t judge or give advices just like you know more. You need to listen carefully with a word like oh…, mmm…, or I see. Words like these, coupled with a caring attitude, are invitations to a child to explore her own thoughts and feelings, and possibly come up with her own solutions.
- Give the feeling a name. When we urge a child to push a bad feeling away, however, the child seems to get only more upset. Parents don’t usually give the feeling a name, because they fear that this way will make it worse. Just opposite is true. The child who hears the words for what he or she is experiencing is deeply comfortable.
- Give a child his wishes in fantasy. When children want something they can’t have, adults usually respond with logical explanations of why they can’t have it. Often, the harder we explain, the harder they protest. Sometimes just having someone understand how much you want something makes reality easier to bear.
Alternatives to Punishment
Bad Behavior is Just a Problem to be Solved
If we overreact to our children’s misbehavior and make them feel sad and disappointed about themselves, we actually complicate simple problems. Behavior problems like “catching the dog’s tail” that can be corrected immediately do not require psychoanalysis.
Punishment Only Brings More Problems
Punishments can only adjust the child’s behavior in a short time. It can’t correct the child’s habit and behavior fundamentally. What we want is to enlighten or guide them but not to punish them.
Parents Can Do as Follow to Make Kids Listen
- Describe what you see, or describe the problem. It’s hard to do what needs to be done when people are telling you what’s wrong with you. It’s easier to concentrate on the problem when someone just describes it to you.
- Tell the result of the child’s behavior, not to blame blindly. Parents should give the kid useful information simply. Information is a lot easier to take the accusation.
- Say it with a word. Children dislike hearing lectures, sermons, and long explanations. For them, the shorter the remainder, the better. That is, less is more.
- Tell the child your feelings. If you are talking about emotions with your kid. You can also talk about your feelings, so that the kid knows what will bring to the other after his or her behavior. Parents should talk about the child’s feelings and needs first. Then talk about parents’ feelings and needs.
- Brainstorm to find a mutually agreeable solution. Write down all ideas without evaluating. And then decide which suggestions you like, which you don’t like, and which you plan to follow through on. And finally find a best way to solve the problem together.
In Conclusion of Make Kids Listen
Just think once before you speak please. Talking to the kids needs some skills. Above are some tips about how to talk so little kids will listen. Hope that helps you solve your communication problems with your kids.